A Strange Rivalry
by Satanic Mechanic
Summary: Chapter 2: Lloyd wants Kratos, Zelos intervenes. What could possibly go wrong?
1. A Strange Rivalry

I wrote this for a challenge community, and it's supposed to be one of 100 stories that feature Kratos and Zelos as an _anti-pairing_. Well, I think it's safe to say that'll never get finished so I'm posting it here for anyone who might be interested (since I'm not updating the things I should be working on).

So, this is for Ali Myrrh Kim and anyone else who might have been hoping for another chapter of Uphill Battle. Heh, it has both Kratos and Zelos in it, is that good enough? I'll try and work on some new stuff soon but for now I'm going to be a loser and recycle stuff.

* * *

"This blows," Zelos stated, summing up what he thought of the entire situation within a single blunt statement. He plopped down on a creaky wooden chair and blew a renegade strand of hair away from his face. Kratos chose not to acknowledge him and instead calmly removed his boots and armor. Zelos was already annoyed that the other man didn't seem to be as distressed about the situation as he was. "I said! This blows. And not in a good way," he added as an afterthought and chuckled at his own admittedly poor joke. Kratos sighed in an exhausted manner and turned to inspect a small fireplace in the corner of the room.

"Does everything have to be sexual with you? It's deplorable."

"Sorry dad," Zelos stressed out that last word with a mocking tone. "I didn't realize I had to watch my mouth around you," he sneered and Kratos ignored the nasty look he was receiving with practiced ease.

"You can be as vulgar as you like, it doesn't bother me. I just wouldn't want you to suffer from the impression that you're actually amusing."

"Oh, ha," Zelos snorted at the retort. "I hate this place and I hate you."

"Is that all you've got? And I thought you were supposed to be a clever one," Zelos stuck out his tongue at the dry comment and continued his pouting unfazed. "I'm not happy about this either, but there's nothing we can do about it." Kratos nodded his head towards the window, which you could hardly see anything out of thanks to the massive amounts snow swirling around outside. "It doesn't look like the storm is going to be letting up anytime soon."

"Yeah, just what I want. Stuck in Flanoir, in a snowstorm, with a cranky old man," Zelos groaned and let his head fall back on the chair, glaring up at the ceiling as if it were the source of all this evil.

The whole situation was all Lloyd's fault, really! Since the restoration of the worlds, the group had been working on rebuilding the various damaged towns and cities. When Kratos volunteered to go to Ozette and salvage some timber, Zelos almost whooped for joy. That was until Lloyd had insisted that Zelos accompany the man. The young hero didn't seem to like that fact that two members of his happy little posse couldn't seem to get along, and sought to fix that. Clinging to his idealistic beliefs as always. Beliefs that Zelos would consider foolish if he weren't busy admiring them in the first place.

Still, despite how nice the idea was, Zelos knew that in fact people couldn't always get along. There would always be conflict, differing points of view, bigotry, and eventually more wars.

Not that Kratos was a particularly difficult person to get along with. In truth, he mostly kept to himself and wasn't usually much of a bother. But there was just too much about that man that reminded Zelos of a past he'd rather forget.

Not to mention that fact that with Kratos present, Zelos was starting to feel more detached from the group. Him and Lloyd had been real tight up until that jerk had returned from space, but now it seemed like Lloyd was only interested in bonding with his blood father. Maybe it made him a horrible friend, but Zelos couldn't help but feel jealous.

Even the others! Raine, Genis, everyone… they all seemed to look up to Kratos. They valued his opinion, even after all the horrible things he had done. They never took Zelos seriously. What did they think he was? Some understudy designated to fill the magic-swordsman void until mister high and mighty saw fit to return?

So naturally, filled with resentment, Zelos wasn't happy about these new turn of events. The one bright spot was that at least he knew Lloyd still valued him. He wouldn't have been so concerned about Zelos getting along with his father if he didn't plan on keeping the ex-chosen around for while…Right?

It seemed a cruel twist of fate that Zelos had to be trapped in close quarters with his very most unfavorite person, during which his very most unfavorite weather raged on outside. But with the vicious storm that had blown in, the rheairds could carry them no further. Zelos thought of as many curses as he could in as many languages as he knew and whispered them as a mantra. Even that didn't seem to be enough to alleviate his frustration. Zelos sighed and turned his head as he heard a fireball spell being cast.

Kratos got up and dusted his hands off, turning to see Zelos' eyes fixed on him hard. He returned the look and the two remained fixed on one another until Zelos looked away awkwardly. "What is it?" Kratos asked calmly and Zelos continued to stare at the wall.

"Nothing…" Zelos whispered but Kratos picked up on the bit of venom in his tone. He eyed the boy suspiciously but decided not to comment, instead taking his former position on the bed. The bed, as in singular. Due to the late notice, this room was the only one the Inn could offer. An issue that was sure to come up soon, so Kratos decided to address it now and get it out of the way. "How shall we decide who sleeps on the bed?"

"Damned if I know."

"We could…duel for it?"

"Too tired," Zelos sighed, even though the possibility of going one on one against the recent object of his resentment was appealing. "Besides, we'd probably wreck the place."

"Forget it. I'll sleep on the floor. Just spare me a pillow." Zelos looked up at the seraph in surprise, and then took a glace towards the bed. The soft mattress looked so very appealing to his aching muscles. He bit his lip and considered Kratos' offer carefully, but finally decided on shaking his head.

"No. Sorry, I couldn't let you do that."

"I insist. You took a pretty nasty blow from that monster earlier. You should get your rest. Besides, you know I don't need much sleep." The way Kratos explained this didn't sound so much concerned as it did calculating. Like a general trying to maintain his troops for future battles.

Zelos shook his head again, wanting to agree but feeling like he might be loosing some sort of battle if he did. Maybe it was just stupid pride, but he did not want to appear weak in front of the ancient seraph. If Kratos thought he was going to get away with being the 'better man' here, he was sorely mistaken.

"Really, I don't want it. Old people like you shouldn't be sleeping on the floor anyway. Might snap a hip or something, yanno?"

"Zelos…" Kratos began in a weary tone but the former Chosen cut him off before he could finish.

"Look, I'm not some weakling you need to take care of, alright? Just drop it. I'm sleeping on the floor."

"I never said you were weak." Kratos spoke quickly, sounding almost defensive.

"You implied it. You have a knack for that sort of thing," Zelos griped and turned away from the man that had held Lloyd in his arms as a child. Pfft, it was _so_ not fair. Why did they get to be so much closer just because Kratos figured a way to insert tab A into slot B 17 years ago?

"No, I'm pretty sure I didn't," Kratos frowned, displeased at having words put into his mouth. He knew this next comment was going to go over like a lead balloon, but felt the need to establish some defense for himself, anyway. "Perhaps you feel weak, and that's why you're taking your anger out on me."

"Got to hell," Zelos all but hissed. He wasn't some book to be read so easily, and he sure as hell didn't want Kratos of all people getting into his head.

Zelos looked up to see that Kratos was approaching, and their eyes met for another staring contest, although this one was not nearly as tense, merely questioning. Dark eyes turned soft for a moment, an expression on the man's face that Zelos had never seen before. It resembled pity, and Zelos hated it. "Who are you really fighting? Yourself or me?" Everything about that question infuriated Zelos, so much so that he couldn't find the exact words that would do his anger justice.

Taking the boy's silence as defeat Kratos moved closer, his voice insistent. "Come now. Go to sleep, things will be better in the morning."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Zelos only regained his voice when he felt a persistent tugging on his arm. Kratos was standing over him, physically willing him towards bed before the Chosen shoved him away. Kratos glared as he crossed his arms, wondering what sort of approach to use next.

"Go to sleep. Lloyd would be worried if he could see the way you are acting."

"Oh, that's the best you can do? The guilt trip isn't going to work, I'm not that simple minded" Zelos growled out, irked at how Kratos thought he could manipulate him. Manipulate _him_! Didn't he know you couldn't trick a tricker?

"Why are you being so difficult?" Kratos asked harshly, obviously at the end of his patience and now becoming irritated. Zelos might have been unwilling to end this already long and tolling day, but Kratos was more than eager to call it a night.

"Because…" Zelos started, unsure of what he was trying to say, "You're making me look bad. Okay?" he finished lamely. It sounded even more ridiculous out loud than it did in his head, but now it was too late to take it back.

"Making you look bad…to whom?" Kratos took a moment to glance around the room, making sure that they were still the only ones around. He looked back over towards Zelos and raised a curious eyebrow.

"Just…shut up." Zelos sighed pathetically, the conversation exhausting his normally excellent wit.

"Zelos," Kratos started, realizing this was going nowhere fast, "I honestly don't care what you think if me, though you have every right to hate me." The man's eyes lowered in what Zelos thought was shame. At least, it had better damn well be. "However, I'm sure you realize this whole trip was just a ploy to give us time to bond. I suggest you make the effort to be civil with me, or it might jeopardize the future of yours and Lloyd's friendship."

"Yeah. Who would've thought that one of Lloyd's half-baked plans could ever go wrong?" Zelos couldn't help but laugh. Kratos expression remained somber. "Alright, listen," Zelos sighed, ready to compromise if that's what it took to end this, "when we get back home, we'll make up some bullshit story about how we saved an injured puppy and bonded in the process, or whatever."

"Zelos, that would be lying and it wouldn't be very nice," the grave expression was still in place, but Zelos could see just hint of mirth in the stoic one's eyes.

"Yeah, but we could totally get away with it!"

"Hm. I was thinking I might try out some honesty. Parts of this story might actually prove entertaining. Like how you can even find the energy to argue with me about such things as the floor."

"Suit yourself. I'm going to stick with what I'm good at."

"We both know you're better than that," was Kratos' unexpected comment, and Zelos was stunned silent for a moment. What would have been comforting from anyone else, just sounded weird coming from Kratos. Zelos wondered if he even meant it at all.

"Whatever," Zelos replied awkwardly, suddenly feeling inexplicably embarrassed.

"What, you don't believe me? Honestly, why else would Lloyd value your friendship so much?"

"Uh, beats me?" Zelos blinked. This conversation was taking a turn he had not expected.

"I have to admit…sometimes I get jealous watching you two together. It just seems so natural between you." Kratos fiddled with some buckle on his uniform as he spoke. Oh man, this had to be some kind of joke, Zelos thought. Was Mr. Tall Dark and Frigid actually feeling uncomfortable?

"You're…jealous of me?"

"I said sometimes, as in fleetingly," Kratos murmured, not pleased with having to admit this. "I feel even more foolish saying it out loud."

"Wow, you're right. That's so lame." Kratos glared as Zelos laughed at him. It wasn't malicious laughter, he just felt so damn relived. Of course, pissing off Kratos was just an added bonus.

But really, to think that this was the reality of it all changed everything. Could it really be that the person Zelos most desired to outshine, already figured himself beat?

Without much warning, Zelos launched himself onto the previously disputed bed, landing with grace that he would never be able to replicate again. Maybe that had to do with the giant weight that had just been pulled off his chest. "I'm going to bed now."

Kratos squinted at the strange behavior. Had he missed something? "I thought you didn't want the bed?"

"Nah, jealous guys deserve the floor. G'night," and with that, Zelos was fast asleep.


	2. Unexpected Allies

Right. Well, here's another recycled piece of work for you all! Cause I'm cool like that.

This has nothing to do with the previous chapter, I just thought I'd lump them together since it's part of the same prompt community that spawned the first chapter. Probably will update with more later. Enjoy!

* * *

It's the second time Kratos shows up unexpectedly that Zelos knows Lloyd had a serious problem. He wonders idly if it's possible to hate Kratos anymore than he already does, and if his continued appearances around Tethe'alla are solely designed to drive it's Chosen One insane.

It's not until said Chosen finds himself outside Meltokio castle, arguing about sacred wood and pretending not to notice that Lloyd is too distracted by Kratos' _dreamy eyes _to follow the conversation, that he realizes a few things. One, it is possible to hate a person that much, and two, Lloyd really _is_ and idiot. Because, really, who else would be dumb enough to fall hard for _Kratos?_

Lloyd really has no taste. But what could you expect from someone raised in the boondocks?

Zelos could almost sort of _maybe_ understand the infatuation. Barring the man's _entire personality, _Kratos wasn't all that hard to look at. But if Zelos' sources were to be trusted, that sweet ass came with a lot of baggage. Like, dead family baggage, and who needed that?

Apparently Lloyd did, because he starts firing questions at Zelos as soon as the seraph is gone. 'What was that about? What does he need sacred wood for? Did he smell good to you, too?'

That last one wasn't actually spoken out loud but Zelos took the liberty of imagining it was on Lloyd's mind. The kid was seriously screwed.

Zelos sighs once Lloyd is finished letting off steam. Lloyd was heading down a dangerous path. Zelos knew he needed to do something, but this was going to be a difficult subject to broach with subtly.

"You heard what he said. Colette's illness takes priority right now. Quit worrying about what he's up to."

"But I need to know! I need to know whether he was really trying to help us of if he's just setting us up for another betrayal. I can't stop thinking about it."

"Oh, so is that why you've been taking extra long showers? Good place to think, I guess," Zelos grins. Subtly is not really his strong suit, after all.

"Huh?" And apparently picking up on innuendo isn't one of Lloyd's.

Zelos tries again.

"Look, I was a teenager with raging hormones once, too. I know what extra long showers mean. And I wouldn't mind so much except you keep using up all the hot water and my luxurious locks are suffering."

"What does my showering have to do with anything?" Zelos receives an odd look.

"You really are clueless when it comes to this kind of stuff, aren't you?"

"You know, I'm really tired of people calling me clueless."

"Relax. I know you're not as stupid as you look. I'm just saying when it comes to romantic issues you're like a fish out of water. Consider yourself lucky that you have me to be your guide." Zelos attempts to give his fledging a reassuring pat, but Lloyd sidesteps him.

"Wait. What are you talking about? There's nothing romantic going on!" Lloyd blurts out, truly surprised by these accusations. "I'm just worried about what Kratos is planning. He's…I still can't trust him, but I'd like to think that's he's a good guy deep down. I want to believe that there's more than meets the eye."

"No. There's less," Zelos corrects with a smirk. "He's just a jerk-off"

"Hey, don't talk about him that way!" Lloyd snaps back.

"Oh? Why not?" Zelos tries his best to look perplexed. Lloyd doesn't even have to try.

"Because…because I…"

"Want to get into his pants?" Zelos smiles wryly. Lloyd is shocked silent for a moment before exploding with—

"Z-Zelos! No way is that true! Are you crazy?" The thing about blushing and sputtering like an idiot to deny something? It usually doesn't help your cause.

"It's obvious Lloyd! Or do you not trust me enough to tell me the truth?"

"Zelos, don't use that against me," Lloyd sighs, having heard this argument before. "It's just not something I want to talk about, alright?"

"Fine."

"Anyway, it's none of your business."

"Look, if you worried it'll gross me out that you're gay, don't be."

"That's not it…and who said anything about gay?"

"Come on, man. Colette and Sheena are practically throwing themselves at you. No straight guy could just ignore that!" Zelos reasons.

"Not every guy is a pervert like you!" is the intense retort that causes Zelos to flinch. Not anything he hasn't heard before, but for some reason that one stung.

Lloyd seems to notice because he returns with a meek; "I mean. Sorry. I didn't. I didn't mean that."

"Right. No need to apologize, I know what you think of me. Sorry for trying to help. Won't happen again!"

"Zelos…" Lloyd seems to soften a moment before thinking better of it. Instead he fixes Zelos with a glare and a set jaw. "Fine. Whatever. I don't even know why I bother with you sometimes. You're…" but Zelos never finds out exactly what he is because Lloyd chooses that moment to turn and storm out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Once the reverberations settle, Zelos allows the carefree façade to drop and let himself feel worried.

Fighting with Lloyd felt odd. This wasn't the friendly jab they usually shared. This wasn't the usual Lloyd. No, this was Lloyd with an infatuation and Zelos didn't like this Lloyd. This Lloyd was moody, defensive and just not right. In short, this Lloyd sucked. Or wanted to get sucked. By Kratos.

Zelos' ick meter is now maxed out by the thought.

Right. Moving on to the plan.

Zelos knew it was time for an intervention. If Lloyd wasn't going to forget about Kratos, then maybe it was time for drastic measures. Maybe having Kratos would get Lloyd back to normal again. It was a disgusting thought, but Zelos couldn't see any other alternative.

So he now had a mission. To save Lloyd he was going to find Kratos and glue their private bits together if that's what it took to get the old Lloyd back. A good screw always made Zelos feel better, should work all right for Lloyd, too.

But still…Ick.

* * *

"This better be good. I told you not to call me unless it's an emergency," Kratos states as he takes a seat across from his drinking mate for the night. Zelos smiles widely and attempts to order them something, but Kratos declines. Zelos frowns and realizes Kratos has trumped his attempt to stall for time. The jerk.

Well. Time to get down to business.

"It is. It's about Lloyd," says Zelos, and Kratos now seems interested. "He's been acting strange lately and I think it has to do with you. So, uh, what's the story between you two?"

"I don't know what you mean. Yggdrasill has placed you to supervise the group. My job is over."

"Don't play dumb with me. You've been helping us out the entire time. Pushing us in the right direction to cure Colette's illness. Why send all these mixed messages? What's in it for you?"

"Nothing. It was under Mithos' orders that I—

"This isn't about Mithos. This is about you and Lloyd, and I know what you're hiding. You care about him, a lot." Zelos pauses to stare across the table hard, waiting for Kratos to deny it. There is a tense moment of silence before Kratos finally speaks.

"Yes. Well, I guess there is no use denying it now. You really are surprisingly clever sometimes."

"Good. I'm glad we've got that settled." Zelos swallows the lump in his throat. He had already suspected that Kratos returned Lloyd's feelings, but hearing it like this was giving him a strange sense of unease.

Like…it was really going to happen. Kratos and Lloyd. Lloyd…and Kratos. It still made him a bit sick thinking about it, but he came here with a mission and he wasn't about to bail out now.

"So. Are you going to tell him this little secret?"

"I wasn't planning on it."

"I think you should. He's been…really different lately. I think if he knew how you really felt, things could get better."

"I don't know."

"I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not like I think you're the best match for him, but it's kind of inevitable at this point."

"I'm…not sure I'm following you."

"Just do me a favor and don't go making out in front of me, I don't think I could stomach it."

"What?!"

"Oh, and I'll promise not to tell Yuan if you just keep it away from me. You two are an item, right? I really don't feel like dealing with him being even bitchier than usual when he finds out you've been cheating."

"Chosen!" Kratos face is turning an interesting color by now, somewhat resembling his least favorite vegetable, but Zelos plowed on. There was no going back now.

"And one other thing--"

"I am his father!"

"Wait…what?"

"Lloyd. I am his father. I'm concerned about him because of that not because…" Kratos trails off with disgust visible on his face. Zelos just stares at him, open mouthed. "Not because I want to have sex with him! Goddess. What even gave you that idea?"

"Well…I…"

"I guess I gave you too much credit thinking you had figured it out. Maybe if you thought with something other than 'little Zelos'-- "

"Hey! It's not little! …Who've you been talking to?"

"--for once in your life, you would have gotten it right."

"Look, enough about me and more about you, alright? When were you planning on dropping this little bombshell anyway?"

"That is none of your business."

"Well, I'm making it my business. You can't just pretend like we didn't have this conversation. I don't want to have to do this, but what if I decide to tell the kid myself?"

"Then I'll have to disembowel you."

"That sounds fun and everything, but I still think he should know."

"I…I can't. Not yet."

"But you have to tell him! The kid has the hots for you!" That gets Kratos looking uncharacteristically shocked. Zelos savors the vague satisfaction for a moment.

"Yeah, that's right. And believe me, I already thought it was gross before, considering your personality, but now…That's just wrong! We have to do something!"

"I…don't believe it."

"Believe it old man. That's what you get for prancing around in all those tight, bondage slave outfits," Zelos scolds. "Anyway, don't you think he has a right to know where he came from?"

"That is not for you to decide." Zelos sighs heavily as Kratos does his best to replicate the immovableness of a brick wall.

It was time for a different strategy.

"Alright, I hate you and you hate me, " Zelos starts, only to be interrupted rudely.

"That is incorrect. I don't hate you."

"Oh, really?"

"Hate is a pretty powerful emotion, and that's something I reserve for very few. I can't say I'd want to waste it on someone so insignificant to me. No offence."

"None taken," Zelos says blandly. This guy was _so_ frustrating. Lloyd better thank him for all this later.

"Fine then. I hate you and you have an…indifferent tolerance towards me," Zelos pauses to make sure he's getting this right. Kratos nods curtly. "See? This is why I hate you. You always have to make things so complicated.

Anyway, what I was trying get to before I was so rudely interrupted was; despite all that, we need to do something about this. I don't want to see Lloyd get hurt and I'm sure you feel the same, right?"

"Of course, but I'm not sure what we can do. Have you considered the fact he'd be even more distraught once he's learned he's been pining after his blood father?"

"That's not…" Zelos is ready to protest—it's just instinct when he's around Kratos—but realizes he doesn't have anything decent to counter with. "Hn. Actually, that's a good point."

"Unless…" Zelos has learned to be very very afraid when Kratos gets that calculating look in his eye.

"…Yeah?"

"Well, since you seem so eager to help…perhaps you can distract him for me?" is the casual request. Like he was simply asking the Chosen to take out the garbage for him or some other menial task.

"Zelos, pick up your jaw."

"I'm just shocked you would suggest that!"

"What's wrong? You're saying you're not up for the task?" Kratos asks, a sly grin forming on his lips that could even put its target to shame.

"I…hey, I see what you're doing here! Don't think you can manipulate a manipulator!"

"Lloyd is obviously confused about his sexuality right now. It would be better if he had someone to help him through it."

"Let me just make sure I'm hearing this right. Do you…expect me, to, uh, seduce the kid?"

"Something like that. Though I'd obviously prefer if you wouldn't take advantage of the situation, just get his mind off of me for awhile."

"Yeah. Sure." Zelos snorts. "What do you expect me to do? Start calling him 'hunny'?"

"It would be a start. Yes."

"I…you. Okay. It's official. You are the worst parent I've ever even heard of."

"Believe me, I'm not happy about this either. Who would want their child fraternizing with a debaucher like you? There is simply no alternative"

"Tell me why I'm helping you again?"

"Because you're the one that started this. And because you don't want Lloyd to get hurt."

"Right. Well. That's the thing, I _don't_ want him to get hurt. I mean, he's my friend, you know? Maybe the first one I've ever had and I don't want to screw that up by adding something else to the equation. I mean…ugh, even thinking about him sexually is weird! Like kissing a brother or something."

"But I take it you like him," Kratos asks softly, his face betraying nothing. Zelos has never seen Kratos take such interest in any of his feelings. This had to be a bad sign.

"Um, kind of?" Zelos falters, not liking the knowing look Kratos was now giving him. "Okay, yeah, of course I do. What's not to like? He makes me believe the best in everyone, including myself." Zelos liked the look Kratos was giving him now even less.

"Right. You like him so much that you're now withholding information from Cruxis in order to aid his cause--don't worry, I haven't said anything to Mithos." Zelos spared a moment to look relived in between wondering just how Kratos knew all this stuff. "I'm just trying to prove my point; that you would abandon the 'winning team' for him."

"Look. That doesn't mean anything. Mithos just creeps me out. Besides, I'm not even gay--

"I know you've had sexual contact with men, so you can abandon that argument."

"What?"

"Yuan has a loose tongue when he is drunk."

"Tell me about it." Zelos holds a glazed look as he remembers the details of _that _night. "I mean. I have no idea what you're talking about." But the smooth cover-up comes out too late, and Kratos is already standing to leave.

"Well. I think that settles things. I'll be expecting regular updates. And remember, no below the belt action. I'll know."

"…Damned stalker."

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Zelos says quickly, only because he wanted this conversation over with. Not because Kratos scared him. Much.

"Oh, and one more thing," Kratos pauses in the doorframe to address Zelos one last time. "For someone who is so good at figuring out who has a crush on whom, I'm surprised you haven't realized you've got one yourself."

It takes a few minutes for Zelos' normally brilliant mind to work out the perfect comeback to absolve him of this grossly incorrect assumption.

"No! I don't!" but the thing about outright denying something so loudly that half the room turns to look at you? It usually doesn't help your cause.

And Kratos has already left the building. Bastard.

It isn't until Kratos is long gone and Zelos has a chance to order a hard drink that he realizes a few more things. Like that his ever growing hate for Kratos has a lot to do with his annoying habit of being _right_ all the damned time. And maybe Lloyd isn't the biggest clueless idiot when it came to the thing called romance.

Maybe it was Zelos.


End file.
